Snow days...

     9 inches of snow!?!?! I cant believe how crazy this week has been.  This is the most snow I've seen since I was a little girl. It's so fun to play in the snow with Brielle, even if we could only stand the cold ten minutes.  ;) We are completely snowed in. Luckily my Grandpa has been giving Spencer rides to work and I was able to go to my parents on Friday to play in the snow. Most of all, this weather has reminded me of just how important it is to take time to relax. There are always things to be done and a million things to occupy our minds but I think we forget how good it is for us all to take a minute to breathe. It's important not to be lazy and to work hard, but it does our hearts good to sit still once in awhile. This morning church was cancelled so I spent some time just sitting there. Clearing my mind and praying. So despite my longing for sunshine, I'm thankful for these snow days.  I'm so thankful for the rest it has brought to me and for the special moments with my family. It has reminded me not to forget to take time to just be still and calm. This has been just what I needed. Thank you God. <3

Update!

     Wow! This year has just flown by! It seems like this year with Brielle has been the shortest of my entire life. Ive had the best times with her and I wish she hadn't grown up so fast. I feel so blessed to have such a healthy and happy baby in my life. I've been wanting to blog more because I love looking back and seeing all the weird and silly things I wrote but we don't have wifi at our apartment so I have to post from my phone which takes FOREVER! So I am going to try so very hard to post once a week. .. let's see how that goes.

     Brielle has gotten so big! She is 22lbs and walking! Her birthday is February 18th and we are so excited! We are throwing her a big party the 15th and hope she has the best time. She eats everything we eat and only has about 2 bottles a day. Its so fun feeding her figuring out what she likes. She acts like a little toddler already. She can wave, blow kisses and say mama and dada. She talks to herself way more than she used to but she is still super shy in public! Which I don't mind, then I don't have to share. ;) She received her first birthday party invite to her best friends this Saturday! Her friend is 5 days away from her and they are so cute together. I don't leave Brielle in the nursery at church but I do go in with her so she can visit the other little girl. Spencer and I call her the adventurer because she is always roaming about and wanting to learn (and break ;)) new things. We are so excited for her to turn 1 but it is SO bittersweet. I can't believe how fast it went by, nothing could've prepared my heart. I am so thankful to God for giving me Brielle and the opportunity to be an at home Mama. I still hate going anywhere without her!! I went to a lodge for a night with Spencer, just the two of us, it was fun and I loved doing something that made Spencer happy but about an hour into our trip I was ready to go home! I will always want to be bring our kids with us on trips and I think Spencer is okay with that too. Maybe once a year he'll get me to leave.

     About Spencer and I, we are doing good I work at a food cart twice a week for a total of six hours. It's good for the extra cash but I miss Brielle too much! I am also working on starting a mom's group at my church which I am really excited and nervous about! I have finally given in - I am now consistently working out 5x week and running a little too. Im glad I decided to, I actually feel great and enjoy it! Being over 20lbs lighter is a really noticable difference too which is great. Plus I do home workouts once brielle is sleeping so I don't have to ever leave her. If I hadn't figure out a way to workout while being with my baby, it would not happen haha. Spencer is working hard, and very happy. He also has gottten into martial arts which he is really enjoying. Its nice for him to be able to spar with other guys and burn some energy haha.

     I feel so blessed and I am so thankful for all the ways God has provided for us. Even though we are so imperfect he's never given up.  I really want to focus my entire life around Jesus and his perfect, free gift of eternal life. I don't know how I get so distracted when he is the reason I am alive. This life is so short and I want to use it to glorify his name. I don't want to be eighty and look back wishing I'd tried harder. Jesus is the only thing we can truly count on and I want to reflect his love and light. I hope I am able to dedicate my everything to him and not get distracted and forget all he's done. One thing I'm truly thankful for today, that little sliver of sun outside my window. God, just one more thing, do I have to wait for spring?

S E A S O N S !

     Spring sprang and fall is already almost at an end... Where did this time go? I feel like these past nine months with Brielle have been the shortest nine months of my life. There have been so many different changes in this past year and they all just flew by. I am so thankful for my wonderful husband who is trying to be the best he can be and for always trying to make me happy. We celebrated Thanksgiving early with my Grandparents and with our whole extended family, before we sat down for dinner my Grandpa wanted to hear from all of us what the best thing of this year was. I thought it through and Brielle is the best thing of this entire year. She has changed everything. She's brought people together, she's healed broken relationships, she's brought love, she's brought a gentleness from Spencer and she's made me something else. She's turned me into a mom and she's shown me how to be truly selfless.  
     Before I had Brielle I didn't know how hard things can be. I never knew what being tired was until her. I've learned to give certain things up so I can be there for her and care for her and it's made me a better person. It really changes you to know that someone so little and helpless depends solely on you to keep her safe and healthy. But I can't protect her from everything. I can't promise her she'll never be hurt. I can't promise her her heart won't break. I've learned to rely on the one I depend on. I know that no matter what tries to bring her down throughout her life won't be fought alone. She will have God right there by her side. Sharing in her joy and wiping her tears in every season of her life. He'll hold her close. Even if she pushes him away he'll be there waiting, never leaving.
     There have been times when I've ignored God and chosen my own path to "happiness". But every time I have he's brought me back. No matter what pain, no matter what he wanted me and wouldn't let me go. He's been my first true love and would not let me hurt myself anymore. In the end, despite my sin and mistakes. He gave me Brielle. A perfect angel. She will one day break my heart but I will never let go. Never. I can't wait to see how she grows and to spend every season with her from here on out. He gave me Spencer, despite everything he's been true and loyal. How could I not be happy? 
     "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
    

As we enter new seasons in our life I am so excited. It's our first time as a family of three to celebrate the holidays and make new traditions and reminisce some of the old. I can't wait to see all that comes every new year and I can't wait to spend it with my new family. This is a time for joy and laughter. :) 

Contentment

     Lately life's just been going past me too fast. Brielle's four months old and I'm moving this summer or fall... I feel so nostalgic. I miss when I lived out in the country and I would ride past the kitchen window on my old horse streaker and I'd reach in and my mom would pass me lunch out the window. I'd lay back in the grass reading stories about adventure and daydreaming about what my life might be. Growing up is so hard. I know it's best for Spencer if we move out so I'm doing it for him but it's just another huge change in my crazy life. I miss the simple things. I miss eating stacks of otterpops while watching my mom fiddle with her flowers. I miss swimming all day with my very best friend and her silly dad's pool. I miss the excitement of that curly haired, blue eyed boy staring at me across the room. I miss spending every second of summer laying in the grass and jet skiing  on a sparkling lake. But I trust God. I know that his plan is so much bigger than anything I could ever imagine. I also know that change is so good for me. 
     I feel so thankful for the parents I've been given and how willing they are to help me make rent. I just wish I didn't have to ask them for that. It would've been nice if I were older and financially capable. But wishing things were different is the way to build a bitter and empty heart. I am determined not to wish my life away and focus on all the blessings I have TODAY. I have a beautiful daughter, sunshine on my face, the best parents, a best friend for a brother, giving in-laws and a husband who loves me. What else could I want? Even though this summer is different it's going to be great. I was disappointed because I love helping with VBS and teaching little hearts about Jesus. This year I wasn't going to be able to help because I didn't want to leave Brielle for that long. But I'm able to lead games. It will be so fun to help in some way. I'm really excited. Little blessings are all I need.
     I'm excited to see what this year holds and even though I had to grow up fast you'll never catch me complaining. I have so much good around me there's no reason to be sad. 3rd song on my playlist is my encouragement today. I have a divine romance with a God who is indescribable. What more could a girl want?
    
"Along with her husband and children, Ella worked as a missionary with the pygmies in Africa for 52 years. She had left her family, her country, and all that was familiar.  Primitive doesn’t begin to describe her living conditions in the scorching heat and humidity of the African bush. But Ella found no relief because electricity, air-conditioning, and other modern conveniences were only a dream. Some days it was so unbearably hot that she had to bring the thermometer inside because it couldn’t register past 120 degrees without breaking.
Ella’s daughter, Mimi, is my friend. Mimi wondered how her mother had done it – how she had lived a life of contentment when her circumstances would have caused the hardiest to complain. Recently Mimi unearthed a treasure, a much more significant find than gold or silver. In an old diary of her mother’s she, discovered Ella’s prescription for contentment:
*Never allow yourself to complain about anything – not even the weather
*Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else
*Never compare your lot with another’s
*Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise
*Never dwell on tomorrow –remember that tomorrow is God’s, not ours"

 

Being Mom

      
     This week my mom and dad left to volunteer at a Christian camp, my mom will be the nurse and dad will be her... sidekick? So it's made me think a lot about motherhood and the kind of mom I want to be. I'm sure they're having an amazing time and who wouldn't love having a nurse like mine giving you candy while fixing booboos???? I've never met a child who doesn't adore my mom. She has a lot of patience and gets even the nastiest kids to turn around. I think the reason I'm good with kids is because she is the queen of fun. So while they're gone Spencer and I have the place to ourselves! I was really worried about it because I always go to her for questions about Brielle and she's out of cell phone reach so I have to wait for emails. I'm actually doing great. It makes me feel really good because now I know for sure that Spencer and I are ready to move out and do it on our own. Even without the extra hands I'm getting everything done, the house is spotless and I haven't killed any birds yet! The one thing that's hard about being alone is, I MISS THEM.

     My mom is one of my best friends and my dad is the greatest. Yes, I know if my mom were hear she'd be pulling the "I'm your mom not your friend." card but... She's my friend and mom. I hope that I can be the kind of mom mine has been. She's been an encourager, leader, nurturer, teacher, disciplinary and guidance all my life. The best thing about her is she never does anything for herself. It seems like everything she does is for others. Sometimes she's hard to understand. Most people have some sort of motive and reason for the things they do. But she does everything to be Christ-like which means, serving others. But at the same time she has boundaries and protects herself. She's always told me that nobody can use you as a doormat unless you let them. I know that a lot of the time she gets misunderstood because of how she lives but I still want to be just like that.  Even if nobody ever says "thank you" or understands.

     Jesus didn't call us here to have a good time and make ourselves happy. He asked to be bigger than that. He wanted us to take a step out in faith and do what doesn't come naturally, to love the unlovable. Jesus didn't turn away from anybody. He welcomes the young, old and sinners to be part of his family. Even when others mocked him and told him it's wrong to help prostitutes and the lowest of the low he continued. Instead of telling them "You're right. Why help those who do nothing for you!" He said "It's not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." [Matthew 9:12] 
     So as I'm thinking about the person I want to be. I want to be a wife of noble character who's gentle and encouraging. I want to be a mom who you can always count on and at the same time be steady and strong. Something my mom did really well was she always tells it how it is. She's not going to pretend she agrees with you or let you get away with being stupid. It's so funny because some of Jordan and my friends come over to talk and hang out with HER. Because they know she'll love them no matter what but at the same time will be honest and say what needs to be said. I want to be honest and be filled with wisdom. It's so important that I, as a mother, know my bible so I can always bring my children back to what God has said. My mom admits when she's wrong and if she said something she shouldn't have. I want to be like that too. I think it's good to tell your kids you're sorry if you messed up because it shows them, nobody's perfect but keep trying. I love my baby girl so much and I can't wait to see how she grows up and what she wants to be. I'm sure there will be hard times and she'll let me down but I'll never give up and I'll always forgive. I can't wait to see what the future holds for my family!! ♥

¹⁰ A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

 Proverbs 31:10-31

BRIELLE UPDATE ~ She's rolling over! I can hardly get her to stay on her back anymore she's so funny. The 23rd she did it and ever since then she won't stay still. It's funny because she's never liked tummy time but now she's doing it all the time because she can't roll on her back. Hahaha she's too cute.

Time

     
     Sometimes I get SO exhausted. At the end of the day all I want to do is sit on the couch and clear my head and relax. I know I have it easy, my mom is very helpful and Brielle is a wonderful baby; I'm just tired. During the day I play with Brielle and clean but in the evening I have NO motivation. Right when I sit down baby wants to walk. She wants to look around and be close to Mama. I find myself becoming frustrated with Spencer for not "helping" enough. But he does try to help! He always offers to take her and walk but I want it done a certain way. Deep down I know it should be me holding baby girl and deep down I WANT to. I realized something the other day. This is the only chance I get with her. Pretty soon she won't want me to hold her and walk her. Pretty soon she's not going to want to bounce on my lap and pull my hair. This is my one chance I have with my daughter as a baby. Before I know it she'll be gone.
      
     So when she is fussing I'm going to happily lay down with her even if it means I miss T.V. time. WHO CARES??? There will always be a new show, there will always be a new "cliffhanger" but Brielle will not always be here needing and wanting me. The other night Brielle kept fussing so I went and let her lay in bed with me and she stopped and just looked at me. I touched her soft, fuzzy hair and rubbed her back until she fell asleep. That was a moment I can't replace and if I hadn't taken the time to just lay with her I would have missed it. 
     
     I love being a mom. Some days yes, I want to just hide and be alone but everyday I love being a wife to Spencer and a mother to Brielle. I will never pass up a moment with my husband or with Brielle. 

Motivated

     Brielle is the most wonderful girl in the world. She's a princess and I hope she always knows it. Today we had an early birthday party for my brother (his birthday is tomorrow yeeee!!!) and she was so good with her great-grands. She lets anybody hold her and she gave out lots of smiles. I can already tell she is going to be so kind and loving. My grandpa and I were standing in the kitchen and he was talking to her for at least 5-10 minutes and she just sat there smiling and  gently cooing. What a lovebug!!!
     I'm officially motivated again to run! I got out of my groove for awhile but today I ran 4.92 miles in 27 minutes! WAHOO! Color Me Rad here I come! I want to eat healthy and be in shape, it's not because I want to look good or be competitive but I want to be able to run and play with my children. I want to be able to coach their soccer team and raise them to be healthy and live a long full life. Especially since I'm going to home school Brielle and her future siblings I want to be able to do PE class with them and make it fun. I don't want to be to tired and too weak to play. I want to eat healthy and be fit for my husband. Health is really important to him and I want to start living the same way he does so our kids won't have to deal with me and my big mac while Spencer eats his celery. I believe that the husband should be the leader in the house so I intend to follow him in every way I can.
     In the bible study I attend we are doing a Beth Moore study on Esther, "it's tough being a woman". Something I learned this week that really just hit my heart was this, am I willing to do the work to see the wonder? It seems like we just expect life to be perfect because we "deserve" to be happy right? Well honestly we don't deserve much really. Jesus did it all. Every good thing we do comes from him. I realized that in my life I expect to see all the wonder and joy in the world, but a lot of the time I'm not willing to do the work.
     If I want to see how wonderful my marriage can be, I HAVE to put the work in. I have to fight as hard as I can to be the woman God made me to be and pray everyday that he'll help me with that. If I want the joy of motherhood, I have to work my hardest to love my daughter and raise her the way Jesus told me I should. So I am motivated to love my Savior with all my heart, try to be the woman I'm meant to be and live a healthy lifestyle. Well, that's it for today! 





     Yours truely, XOXOXOXO!