Contentment

     Lately life's just been going past me too fast. Brielle's four months old and I'm moving this summer or fall... I feel so nostalgic. I miss when I lived out in the country and I would ride past the kitchen window on my old horse streaker and I'd reach in and my mom would pass me lunch out the window. I'd lay back in the grass reading stories about adventure and daydreaming about what my life might be. Growing up is so hard. I know it's best for Spencer if we move out so I'm doing it for him but it's just another huge change in my crazy life. I miss the simple things. I miss eating stacks of otterpops while watching my mom fiddle with her flowers. I miss swimming all day with my very best friend and her silly dad's pool. I miss the excitement of that curly haired, blue eyed boy staring at me across the room. I miss spending every second of summer laying in the grass and jet skiing  on a sparkling lake. But I trust God. I know that his plan is so much bigger than anything I could ever imagine. I also know that change is so good for me. 
     I feel so thankful for the parents I've been given and how willing they are to help me make rent. I just wish I didn't have to ask them for that. It would've been nice if I were older and financially capable. But wishing things were different is the way to build a bitter and empty heart. I am determined not to wish my life away and focus on all the blessings I have TODAY. I have a beautiful daughter, sunshine on my face, the best parents, a best friend for a brother, giving in-laws and a husband who loves me. What else could I want? Even though this summer is different it's going to be great. I was disappointed because I love helping with VBS and teaching little hearts about Jesus. This year I wasn't going to be able to help because I didn't want to leave Brielle for that long. But I'm able to lead games. It will be so fun to help in some way. I'm really excited. Little blessings are all I need.
     I'm excited to see what this year holds and even though I had to grow up fast you'll never catch me complaining. I have so much good around me there's no reason to be sad. 3rd song on my playlist is my encouragement today. I have a divine romance with a God who is indescribable. What more could a girl want?
    
"Along with her husband and children, Ella worked as a missionary with the pygmies in Africa for 52 years. She had left her family, her country, and all that was familiar.  Primitive doesn’t begin to describe her living conditions in the scorching heat and humidity of the African bush. But Ella found no relief because electricity, air-conditioning, and other modern conveniences were only a dream. Some days it was so unbearably hot that she had to bring the thermometer inside because it couldn’t register past 120 degrees without breaking.
Ella’s daughter, Mimi, is my friend. Mimi wondered how her mother had done it – how she had lived a life of contentment when her circumstances would have caused the hardiest to complain. Recently Mimi unearthed a treasure, a much more significant find than gold or silver. In an old diary of her mother’s she, discovered Ella’s prescription for contentment:
*Never allow yourself to complain about anything – not even the weather
*Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else
*Never compare your lot with another’s
*Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise
*Never dwell on tomorrow –remember that tomorrow is God’s, not ours"

 

Being Mom

      
     This week my mom and dad left to volunteer at a Christian camp, my mom will be the nurse and dad will be her... sidekick? So it's made me think a lot about motherhood and the kind of mom I want to be. I'm sure they're having an amazing time and who wouldn't love having a nurse like mine giving you candy while fixing booboos???? I've never met a child who doesn't adore my mom. She has a lot of patience and gets even the nastiest kids to turn around. I think the reason I'm good with kids is because she is the queen of fun. So while they're gone Spencer and I have the place to ourselves! I was really worried about it because I always go to her for questions about Brielle and she's out of cell phone reach so I have to wait for emails. I'm actually doing great. It makes me feel really good because now I know for sure that Spencer and I are ready to move out and do it on our own. Even without the extra hands I'm getting everything done, the house is spotless and I haven't killed any birds yet! The one thing that's hard about being alone is, I MISS THEM.

     My mom is one of my best friends and my dad is the greatest. Yes, I know if my mom were hear she'd be pulling the "I'm your mom not your friend." card but... She's my friend and mom. I hope that I can be the kind of mom mine has been. She's been an encourager, leader, nurturer, teacher, disciplinary and guidance all my life. The best thing about her is she never does anything for herself. It seems like everything she does is for others. Sometimes she's hard to understand. Most people have some sort of motive and reason for the things they do. But she does everything to be Christ-like which means, serving others. But at the same time she has boundaries and protects herself. She's always told me that nobody can use you as a doormat unless you let them. I know that a lot of the time she gets misunderstood because of how she lives but I still want to be just like that.  Even if nobody ever says "thank you" or understands.

     Jesus didn't call us here to have a good time and make ourselves happy. He asked to be bigger than that. He wanted us to take a step out in faith and do what doesn't come naturally, to love the unlovable. Jesus didn't turn away from anybody. He welcomes the young, old and sinners to be part of his family. Even when others mocked him and told him it's wrong to help prostitutes and the lowest of the low he continued. Instead of telling them "You're right. Why help those who do nothing for you!" He said "It's not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." [Matthew 9:12] 
     So as I'm thinking about the person I want to be. I want to be a wife of noble character who's gentle and encouraging. I want to be a mom who you can always count on and at the same time be steady and strong. Something my mom did really well was she always tells it how it is. She's not going to pretend she agrees with you or let you get away with being stupid. It's so funny because some of Jordan and my friends come over to talk and hang out with HER. Because they know she'll love them no matter what but at the same time will be honest and say what needs to be said. I want to be honest and be filled with wisdom. It's so important that I, as a mother, know my bible so I can always bring my children back to what God has said. My mom admits when she's wrong and if she said something she shouldn't have. I want to be like that too. I think it's good to tell your kids you're sorry if you messed up because it shows them, nobody's perfect but keep trying. I love my baby girl so much and I can't wait to see how she grows up and what she wants to be. I'm sure there will be hard times and she'll let me down but I'll never give up and I'll always forgive. I can't wait to see what the future holds for my family!! ♥

¹⁰ A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

 Proverbs 31:10-31

BRIELLE UPDATE ~ She's rolling over! I can hardly get her to stay on her back anymore she's so funny. The 23rd she did it and ever since then she won't stay still. It's funny because she's never liked tummy time but now she's doing it all the time because she can't roll on her back. Hahaha she's too cute.

Time

     
     Sometimes I get SO exhausted. At the end of the day all I want to do is sit on the couch and clear my head and relax. I know I have it easy, my mom is very helpful and Brielle is a wonderful baby; I'm just tired. During the day I play with Brielle and clean but in the evening I have NO motivation. Right when I sit down baby wants to walk. She wants to look around and be close to Mama. I find myself becoming frustrated with Spencer for not "helping" enough. But he does try to help! He always offers to take her and walk but I want it done a certain way. Deep down I know it should be me holding baby girl and deep down I WANT to. I realized something the other day. This is the only chance I get with her. Pretty soon she won't want me to hold her and walk her. Pretty soon she's not going to want to bounce on my lap and pull my hair. This is my one chance I have with my daughter as a baby. Before I know it she'll be gone.
      
     So when she is fussing I'm going to happily lay down with her even if it means I miss T.V. time. WHO CARES??? There will always be a new show, there will always be a new "cliffhanger" but Brielle will not always be here needing and wanting me. The other night Brielle kept fussing so I went and let her lay in bed with me and she stopped and just looked at me. I touched her soft, fuzzy hair and rubbed her back until she fell asleep. That was a moment I can't replace and if I hadn't taken the time to just lay with her I would have missed it. 
     
     I love being a mom. Some days yes, I want to just hide and be alone but everyday I love being a wife to Spencer and a mother to Brielle. I will never pass up a moment with my husband or with Brielle.