Sunday, January 27, 2013

Tea Time

     Today is a day I've been desperately needing. I woke up at 9:30am did my bible study, had some oatmeal with brown sugar, woke up Spencer, listened to a sermon online with my family and then spent the rest of the day relaxing. Ahhh. ♥ Later this evening my hubby and I headed to the library. We spent our time picking out books and just browsing. Afterward we headed to Olive Garden. There was a bit of a wait but we didn't mind because it meant STARBUCKS!!! I had a decaf vanilla spice latte which was the perfect taste for this kind of day. We had a really good time talking and spending time with one another. We finally ended the day with delicious peach glazed chicken, parmesan pasta, laughs and happiness
     
     I think that with everything going on; all the anxiety and excitement while waiting for Brielle to make her grand entrance, we're needing time to relax and empty our minds more than ever. Spencer and I are enjoying are last days to just be the two of us. We are so anxious to meet our baby girl, at the same time we're trying to soak up all the time we can have together before things get hectic. We're spending many stolen moments remembering the good times, and talking about what our future little family is going to be like.

     The waiting game has begun and I already feel like it's been going on far too long. This week I started to drink raspberry leaf tea which is highly suggested for pregnancy. It really has nothing to do with "raspberries" it's a certain little herb that is packed with benefits. Why am I drinking it now you may ask? Well there's lots of great benefits -
  • Reducing pain in labor
  • Helping with post birth pains and recovery
  • Toning uterus ( that's what's reducing the pain and helping make recovery faster)
  • Helps make contractions more productive
  • Helps with delivery of the placenta 
     Yeah, great stuff right? It's also great to help with fertility in both men and women, it also can prevent miscarriage. I've heard lots of great stories of it helping lots of pregnant women I've found  tons online and I have some friends who started drinking it at the end of pregnancy and swear by it. I figure I might as well try it out, why not see if it works for me. If anything mentally it helps me feel like I'm doing something to prepare for labor. Spencer and I have been going weekly to childbirth classes and practiced a little today, but of course I'm still going crazy about the whole thing. I trust that Spencer's going to help me through it one hundred ten percent. I believe completely that he'll be a great support person for me. The most comforting thought to me is knowing each day and each pain brings me that much closer to meeting my new baby.  Well that's about it. XOXOXO

Friday, January 25, 2013

36 weeks!

36 weeks pregnant!
How Far Along: 36 weeks

Size of Baby: She now weighs almost 6lbs like a crenshaw melon. ♥ She's over 18 and 1/2 inches long. 

Total Weight Gain: I still haven't weighed myself for 3 weeks haha, so as of then 20lbs.

Gender: Girl!

Movement: Yup. Tons today :).

Sleep: Sleep hasn't been great, I wake up ALL the time and just so uncomfortable. I've also been having a lot of braxton hicks at night, I sleep through them but whenever I wake up and try to get it up to go to the bathroom it's almost impossible! My stomach is so hard I can barely pull myself up. I can't wait to sleep on my stomach again...

Symptoms: I have an upset stomach a lot of the time just with heartburn and everything and tums aren't helping the way the used to. Not to mention I have a cold now. I tried so hard to stay healthy but my whole family got sick so I guess it was only a matter of time. My head hurts really bad but other than that I'm okay.

Belly Button: Popped, half in and half out. Haha I'm starting think it may just be stuck like that and not be able to go all the way out!!! It shows through my clothes now.

Cravings: Hmm... I don't really know. I've been eating a lot of chili and strawberries with sugar lately but no extreme "cravings" for anything really.

What I Miss: Being able to sleep comfortably. I can never seem to get in a good position.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Brielle!!! I can't wait to see what she looks like and to finally meet her.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

30 days...

     Only 30 days. 30 days until my world is completely altered, 30 days until the house is one person fuller, 30 days until love forever has a new meaning. Brielle's due date is now exactly 30 days away. I'm so exited to finally meet my precious little girl, I know things in my life and Spencer's will never be the same. I know it's going to be really hard and scary, but I also know it's going to be the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know we're going to make a lot more mistakes as brand new parents, it's pretty terrifying, but I also trust with all my heart that God has a plan for us. I trust completely that he has plans to give us hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)


     When I first found out I was pregnant in June 2012, I thought that my life was over. I didn't see any plans filled with "hope" and a "future". The only thing I saw for me was a life of shame and regret. I didn't love my baby. There was no instant connection, I saw her as the one to blame for changing my life in such a "horrible" way. I knew that I'd keep her and carry her because even then I couldn't justify killing a baby, but I didn't want her or care about what happened to her. I didn't care if I ever had an impact in her life. I could only see was what was right in front of me. I saw my boyfriend who I was so scared of losing. I saw my mom with a broken, disappointed heart. I saw my dad and brother so sad and I knew all three of them were so ashamed of me. Then after awhile of thinking and forcing myself to use the word "baby" over and over, I realized it no longer had anything to do with me. This was about Brielle. It wasn't about how bad I felt for hurting so many people. It wasn't about everything I'd have to give up. It was about doing what was best for the little person trying to grow inside me. I was the one who had screwed up, it wasn't my baby. It wouldn't be fair that just because she was unwanted she'd miss out on having a life full of love, laughter and big dreams.


    I decided I'd do my best to be the mom she needed, at first I thought about adoption, but then I thought the best thing I could do for my baby was to give her the best chance of knowing her savior and Father in heaven. I couldn't risk not knowing that she was given the chance to learn about Him and feel the love and joy He brings. It took me awhile to really truly care for her. It was when I first saw her tiny little shape at an 8 week ultrasound that I understood how special she is. That was then. It seems like forever ago but at the same time I can feel the pain like it just happened. The hardest part for me wasn't knowing I'd have to give up my life of freedom. The hardest part was hurting the people I love. I understood I'd messed up so I was fine to deal with the things I'd have to go through. But it wasn't fair to anyone else. Especially my family. They'd done nothing wrong but they still had to be hurt because of me. That is the one thing I will always regret. I did all this to myself but they hadn't.


     I had to go through a lot because of my sin, and every single day I feel the consequences of my mistakes. But it's not about that. It's not about my guilt or how anyone treats Spencer and I. It's about God's never ending love. In His love He choose to give me a baby, I still can't tell you why, I may never be able to but I believe He has my best interest in mind. He still accepts me as his daughter and I know that He will never leave me even when everyone else has. It's hard to believe sometimes but I know it's true. You don't have to be perfect to receive His love. He gives it to you freely no matter where you've come from. If anyone says different or believes you can't be in his love and light just the way you are today, not tomorrow, not in a year but right now today; I can tell you they're dead wrong. Jesus ate with and loved the tax collectors and prostitutes, He didn't make them change and live a perfect life full of rules, He welcomed them and just loved them. That's how I know I'll be okay. When I think I can't take anything else I remember the person He is and the love He has. Once you accept Him and love Him back, you'll want to be changed. You'll want to live a new way, His way.

     When I look back to June, that month I thought the world truly was ending. I can smile. I've come so far. I've learned so much. In 30 days I finally meet my little miracle. My little game changer. I'm going to be the best I can be for her. It's really hard to have given up a lot of the things I have but I'm so glad I did. I want to be the best mom I can be, even if that means giving up things. I don't want her to miss out on one thing because I'm young. I want her to have just as full and happy of a life as anyone else. I'm really scared but at the same time I'm so ready. I'm going to be there for her forever and I will never give up and abandon her no matter what happens. That's something I learned from my own mom. Love is the best thing you can do for your children. Love them, hug them, tell them they're special and important and most importantly tell them about the One who will never make a mistake, the One who won't ever let them down. 
    

     I've changed so much in these past 8 months. I finally understand grace. It's almost impossible to comprehend and fully accept until you've been broken to pieces and He's put you back together again. People like to say you are "sweetly" broken. I can tell you this right now, there's no sweet feeling about it. It hurts and destroys. There's no way to explain what it really feels like to be broken. To be crushed and turned to nothing; until it's happened to you. But it's taught me so much and now I see the sweet. God's grace is truly the most incredible, perfect thing. In 30 days I'll see His grace complete.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

35 weeks

                                                              35 weeks pregnant!

How Far Along: 35 weeks

Size of Baby: Honeydew Melon! ♥ She weighs as much as a melon about 5 1/4lbs and is over 18 inches long head to toe.

Total Weight Gain: Still haven't weighed myself since 33 weeks so as of then 20lbs.

Gender: Girl. ♥♥♥♥♥

Movement: She's kicking ALL the time!

Sleep: Sleep's been okay, I haven't been sleeping entirely through the night but I don't feel to tired. I am getting a lot more sleepy though so I think I'm going to starting taking little naps during the day so I don't end up feeling exhausted. 

Symptoms: Braxton Hicks have been a little painful lately but not terrible, just a little bit more uncomfortable then before. My back's been killing me though it hurts almost all the time and just feels achy and tired. I need to start laying down more to give it break because my belly's just pulling on it all the time. It's getting HEAVY.

Belly Button: Still hasn't popped out entirely, it's almost there haha!

Cravings: Right now I'm feeling pretty sick so I don't even want to think about the foods I've been craving lately. UGH.

What I Miss: I miss not feeling super uncomfortable all the time, everything just aches and hurts and I'm tired. I can't wait to be back to normal!

Best Moment from the Past Week: Childbirth class and setting up Brielle's nursery!

What I'm Looking Forward To: Meeting Brielle! I can't waitttt! ♥

 

Sunday, January 13, 2013

34 weeks


                                                                 34 weeks pregnant!

How Far Along: 34 weeks

Size of Baby: My baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (cantaloupe!) and is almost 18 inches long.

Total Weight Gain: I haven't weighed myself since last week, so as of the last time 20lbs.

Gender: GIRRRLLLLLL!!!!! ♥

Movement: She's moving around like crazy! I think as she gets less and less room she's starting to stay in the same position (head down). She doesn't have the room to jump and tumble but she's definitely practicing her kung-fu and soccer! She has hiccups pretty often and it's just too cute.

Sleep: Sleep hasn't been going so great. I've been having really vivid dreams, more like nightmares! I've been having crazy pregnancy dreams since first trimester but now they're getting bad. I wish I could just keep dreaming about jello castles not Spencer leaving and Brielle getting hurt... UGH. I also have to go pee about 6 times every night which is just flat out frustrating. But it's okay because I know that it just means this is really happening! The good and the bad is all just proof my little miracle is real.

Maternity Clothes: All I want to wear is my pajamas... Sighhh. I try my hardest too look cute but I'd really just cuddle up in big flannel pants and Spencer's t-shirts.

Symptoms: Braxton Hicks, they aren't painful anymore at all which is great. YAY! Acid reflux is pretty bad but hey, that's what tums are for. :)

 Belly Button: It's so close to popping! The top is out but the bottom is still tucked in haha, really weird.

Cravings: Deviled eggs, I had ton at the baby shower which was awesome. My best friend knows me so well. ♥ SUGAR CEREAL.

What I miss: All I can think about is how much I want her to be here, 40 days. I'm SO excited.

Best Moment from the Past Week: BABY SHOWER! My baby shower was so amazing, I will never forget the love and support I feel from everyone who came. They already love Brielle so much.  It was a great day.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Childbirth classes, we start Monday. I'm nervous but I'm really excited to learn more and I'm so glad Spencer's coming as my support person.

B A B Y S H O W E R ! ♥

                                                             Brielle's Baby Shower

   My friends threw me a baby shower on Saturday and it was SO amazing. I had an amazing time and felt incredibly blessed to have that many people come to show Spencer, Brielle and I their support and love. It was truly unbelieveable and I can't believe how generous everyone was. Brielle has everything she will need and more. It's so nice to know she is already loved by so many and so deeply. It was a great day. My heart feels so full with the love of God's people, my FAMILY. ♥


 

It was so much fun! We played "Guess Mommy's Tummy Size" where my two party planners went around the room and let everyone measure and cut ribbon trying to make a perfect length to wrap around my tummy. It gave us all some great laughs while people came up with different ways to try to figure it out. The game was hilarious. We also played "Baby Trivia" which was great, also throughout the whole baby shower we had little pink baby clothes pins on our shirts. If anyone said "Baby" or "Brielle" and someone else heard them they had to give up the pin! It was so funny! 



We had delicious food, several ladies brought things to help, it was so sweet and of course DELICIOUS! Pink foamy punch, yummy pasta (I NEED the recipe!), fruit in a watermelon shaped like a baby bassinet, chocolate covered strawberries, dips, chicken "sammies", deviled (mm, mm, mm!) and much more! It was great.












The decorations were so pretty, there were so many different details. All the hard work paid off! I was so surprised and happy when I saw the room, it was perfect!

Overall it was a great day and I am just so blessed to have such amazing friends and family. I'll never forget the love the showed me January 12th, 2013. It was a day to remember.



Tuesday, January 8, 2013

33 weeks!

                                                                33 weeks pregnant! ♥
How Far Along: 33 weeks

Size of Baby: PINEAPPLE! She weighs as much as a pineapple (a little over 4 pounds). And she's over 17 inches now.

Total Weight Gain: 20 lbs, so I've lost weight I'm not exactly sure why. The midwife said it was no huge deal so I guess it's okay.

Gender: Baby girl, sweet Brielle. ♥

Movement: ALL THE TIME! Last night she was kicking like crazy so I kept putting my phone on my belly and would see how far she could send it across the room. I'm so excited to see her little legs kicking, I love feeling them but I'm so ready to meet her!!

Sleep: Sleep's been pretty good the last couple nights. This weekend it was AWFUL, my back was killing me and I was having pretty bad contractions but now it's better.

Maternity Clothes: I LOVE MY LEGGINGS AND YOGA PANTS! So comfortable.

Symptoms: Braxton Hicks, they aren't unbearable but can be pretty uncomfortable. They mostly hurt my back, my stomach just gets really hard and kind of bothers me, but the only "pain" is in my lower back.

Belly Button: Gone, haha I literally don't have a belly button anymore. The top of it has popped but the bottom is covered by my skin so it's just stuck there. It's so weird. You can see it through some shirts but only if they're really thin.

Cravings: COOKIE DOUGH. Which of course I can't have because of the eggs. :( I'm almost tempted to just make my own without raw eggs.

What I Miss: Being able to control my body. My body changes so much every week and there's nothing I can do about it. It's not a bad thing I just miss being in charge of my own body. I love having my little baby with me all the time though. She's always just kicking away hanging out with me.

Best Moment from the Past Week: 
  •  We bought bedding for Brielle's nursery! It's the "Jungle Jill" theme by Carter's. It's so cute I love it. It's jungle themed so monkeys, giraffes, zebras and elephants. I LOVE IT! The are mainly light pink and light green.
  •  My mom and I bought a dresser and changing table from goodwill. They are so perfect. My mom painted them white for me and I changed the handles on the dresser so they look almost brand new.
  •  Spencer and I got a stroller and car seat! It's just black and purple but it's really nice and easy to use.  Plus since it was the floor model we got 40% off and didn't have to do any set up. Yay!
  •  Brielle and I's hospital bags are packed. ♥ Just a couple last minute things I need to throw in my bag I haven't put in. Stuff like a toothbrush and clothes. Everything else I bought travel size and have packed. I'M SO EXCITED!! We have everything we need for her arrival. :)

What I Am Looking Forward To: BABY SHOWER!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited!!!! It's this Saturday, I seriously can't wait. I don't have to do anything or any planning, it's going to be the best. I just get to show up, have fun and talk about my baby. ♥ I can't wait. It's going to be great. YEEE!!!!!!!!!!